THE BATTY BLOG

I began my last post here by mentioning my neglect of this blog, and here I am now with an even longer gap in between that entry and this one. Though, really, I suppose there aren't any deadlines I'm expected to meet‒ only those that I set for myself. I find it kind of funny, how something that I specifically intended to be relaxed and lacking obligations still ends up playing on my mind as something I'm not doing. Not that it's become unenjoyable, or too daunting a task to undertake, but I can't escape that nagging feeling that I should be updating more frequently, or that I should be sticking to a schedule. Keep in mind, this is a diary, or a journal of sorts, and not a job. Though, admittedly, I feel that way about my physical journals, too. Anxiety sure is a hell of a thing, isn't it?

Introspection aside, things have grown far quieter here these days. Some changes have made my life a little lonelier as of late, and I'm finding myself less motivated to work on anything, even projects that I enjoy. These symptoms of depression are nothing new, of course, but falling back into that hole doesn't become any easier with repetition. I've been mostly searching for ways to fill the empty time, and have been playing a lot of Minecraft as a result. I like setting up modpacks for myself, and upon discovering Cobblemon, I gathered a nice set of mods and started up a new world. This is also the first world wherein I've begun planning out my build designs in a separate creative world, and with the help of Forgematica, then recreating them in survival. So far, I've much preferred this way of building, as I'm far more free to test and experiment with design elements, without the restrictions of material costs or gravity. As of writing this, I've completed my house, and a set of greenhouses within which I've planted one of each growable item, both modded and vanilla.

I've always enjoyed pairing my Minecraft gameplay with audio, whether that be through YouTube video essays, audiobooks, podcasts, or the like. It's been something I've done consistently through the years, to the point where a good chunk, if not all, of my worlds will most likely have a prominent piece of media attached to it in my head. This is how I consumed the majority of Welcome to Nightvale back in the day, and is also how I found myself listening to the entirety of The Magnus Archives over the last few weeks. I had heard more than once about the latter, mostly on Tumblr and later Tiktok, but had never truly set any time aside to dive into it. It wasn't that it didn't sound appealing to me‒ I'm a rather large fan of horror, podcasts, and a good few narrative twists‒ but more so because of my tendencies to shy away from new media until I feel it's the "right time" to consume them. When or what the "right time" actually is is beyond me, and sometimes seems completely out of my control. But, given that one of my closest friends had brought it back into the forefront of my mind not long ago, and I just so happened to have a brand-new Minecraft world to which no specific narratively-induced memory attachments had been made, it seemed that the "right time" had come at last.

To say that I enjoyed the podcast would be an understatement. Magnus managed to scratch a personal reoccurring itch for creepypasta readings, while at the same time delivering a wide range of developing characters, lore, and unfailingly gratifying reveals. Now and then I stumble upon a piece of creative work that not only sucks me into itself, but makes me crave the experience of creating. I am an artist, yes, but I am also a writer, to my very core. I love the feeling of crafting a compelling narrative, of watching planned reveals pay off as each new paragraph propels the reader forward. Knowing that something you've written has elicited an emotional reaction from your reader is something I live for‒ a fact that the tears shed by unsuspecting friends-turned-reviewers can attest to. Listening to The Magnus Archives has filled me with so much desire to write, to the point where my mind has been buzzing with the whispers of potential ideas for days.

Now, while I've been writing for as long as I can remember, and am an active fan of the horror genre, I've very seldom ever attempted to depict it myself. It's always seemed like something far too daunting, and far too easy to do badly. Horror is the kind of genre wherein one small, simple misaligned detail can make the entirety of what you've built crumble like sand. You've said too much, you've said too little, your character has done something far overstepping the suspension of disbelief... It seemed like so much to balance, and I felt I just wasn't up for the challenge. Magnus, though, has made me rethink these restrictions. Something I've learned over many years of making art, is that, while it may be frustrating, the truth is that you are going to make bad art. Your first painting is going to be muddy. Your first drawing will not be anatomically correct. Your first story will not flow. So, then, if I attempt to write a short horror piece and the horror just isn't scary, if I say too much, or too little, or my protagonist is just a little too unrealistic, is that not simply the process? There must be a trail of haunted dolls, creepy clowns, and hyper-realistic blood in the path of every Old God, I think.

Listening to an audio production, specifically, has also re-awakened something that I've attempted not to give much thought to, out of fears borne from low self-confidence and a saturated market: I want to voice act. I would give nearly anything to have the chance. I have such little experience, despite my love of acting and performance, and yet I still want to do it. My teenaged years, during which I could have delved into my high school's award-winning drama classes, were spent crippled by social anxiety and undiagnosed autism. Now, I live in a province so separated from the rest of Canada, in a town so separated from everyone else, I'm not even sure where to start in finding some sort of real-life group of performers, let alone one that would accept amateurs. I don't have a home recording setup, nor do I have the funds to afford one. I have no knowledge of how to break into such an industry, to find opportunities. I don't even expect to make it big, or to find myself doing voice acting work for a living‒ that's much too ambitious a dream. But I'd love to just... create something, whether that be alone, or with other artists. I'd love to just be a part of something, one voice in a production.

I've been thinking about, maybe, attempting to write a few of these story ideas I've had. Maybe take them, and record them. Perhaps I'll only make one, or a handful. Maybe I'll make more. Maybe they'll be bad, or maybe they'll be good. Maybe I'll be embarrassed of them, or maybe I'll be proud. Who knows?

For now, though, I'm not going to commit to anything. But the idea, and the desire, is there, nonetheless. That must count for something.

I’ve been so caught up with working on this site as of late, that I completely forgot to keep my blog updated. Comes with the ‘tism, I’m afraid! But I’m going to remedy that now. Let’s see…

In my last post, I spoke of journeying into the city to witness the solar eclipse, which I did! Though we did have a bit of a scare regarding our eclipse glasses not getting to us in time. Thankfully, we were able to get our hands on some last minute, and all went smoothly from there. We discovered that the town of Grand Falls was actually hosting a small eclipse-watching party, so we decided to head over there and join in. They were giving out little bags of popcorn and hot chocolate, which was really nice! Lots of people came out, and though some had to leave disappointed after they ran out of glasses to give them (we had gotten ours elsewhere), everyone seemed to have a good time!

Watching the moon slowly creep across the sun was exciting enough, but the feeling that came over me upon pulling my glasses down to reveal 100% totality was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. There was a split second of what I can only describe as primal fear, followed by overwhelming awe. A perfectly black void, haloed by light, hanging in the sky where our sun should be. It felt both unnatural and beautiful, and I wish I could have taken it in for much longer. It’s certainly not something I’ll be forgetting anytime soon.

I did attempt to take some pictures, though none of them actually turned out. My Mom did manage to get a shot, however. It’s not clear by any means, but it’s still ours, from when we were physically there, and I think that’s pretty cool!

While we were in Grand Falls, I checked out the local Walmart and found some of the new generation 7 LPS sets! I knew I really shouldn’t be spending my money on things like LPS at that moment, but I couldn’t help but grab one. I’ve been waiting for them to finally come out in Canada, let alone Newfoundland, and there were only a few left! I had to! I chose the smaller of the two options: the wolf and fish pet pair.

I also found a few other cute things that I didn’t buy, but took some pictures of for future reference: a Stitch plush, and some Sanrio figures!

Back at home, about a week later, I made some cupcakes! I’ve been considering getting into baking more, as I’ve found myself really enjoying it. This past Christmas, I made a lot of treats to use in making up some tins to give out to some neighbors, and I had a really good time. Decorating was especially fun, and nothing beats seeing people try and enjoy something you’ve made! These recent cupcakes were just a box mix, but I did mix up some fun icing in 6 rainbow colors. The cupcakes themselves were lemon-flavored, and the icing was buttercream‒the best kind of icing, if you ask me. I think they turned out well, though if I make more in the future, I’ll choose a different flavor. Or maybe add in a little lemon extract? The lemon just wasn’t lemony enough for my tastes.

Since then, most of my time has been spent working on several different sections of this website! I finally took pictures of all of my LPS pets after scrubbing them and giving a few of them careful acetone touch-ups, and finished their collection page. I really experimented with making my own borders on that page, which I think turned out looking pretty cool. It isn’t exactly the look I was envisioning, but I’m happy with it for now.

I used what I learned from that page to then make the “picture frame” borders for my art gallery’s “by year” pages, which I think turned out really cool! I admittedly have felt a little uncertain about whether it would look better as just a straight-forward gallery that doesn’t utilize zoomed-in thumbnails, but I also do really like the more stylized approach. I suppose we’ll have to see what happens in the future. All I know is that I cropped each of those thumbnails by hand, and I’m not exactly excited about the thought of changing all 200+ of them now!

On May 11th, I attended a local vendor’s market with the non-profit organization I’m apart of called Fight for Access NL. We’re all about advocating for better access, accommodations, and disability education in our province and across Canada. We set up a booth at as many markets as we can to try and spread the word, make connections, and raise some money for ongoing and future projects. So far we’re a fairly small organization, but we’re growing quickly, and have already done a lot of good in our hometown and the surrounding area! We have a few little handmade items that people can pick up when they donate, like buttons of multiple sizes, and info cards displaying either braille or sign language‒the former of which being fully usable. This time, we even had a selection of yarn lanyards that were made by our founder’s stepmom. Those were super popular!

Overall, the market went really well, and we met a lot of supportive people. I really enjoy attending events like this, not just for the opportunity to socialize and help out, but also because it’s one of the best ways to ground myself after spending so much time online. Social media, especially Elon Musk’s new Twitter, can really make you forget that the bigots that scream about wanting you dead really are the loud minority. The opinions of people that want to hurt you for being different, or make entire accounts with the sole purpose of telling you to off yourself, are pushed to the forefront by the Blue Check system, making scrolling through comments an absolute nightmare. You see blatant homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, day in and day out, and it makes you feel like the entire world wishes you didn’t exist. But when you walk outside and actually talk to people? The large majority are either indifferent at worst, or supportive at best. Meeting people who are passionate about helping other people is like a breath of fresh air, and the perfect antidote for a pessimistic mindset. It’s easy, when you’re stuck at home‒whether that be related to disability or not‒and all you have to keep you company are the endless voices of the online, to fall into despair, or even into the wrong circles. Having the opportunity to get out and interact with others, even for one day out of a month, has been really nice. I can’t say that it doesn’t make the rest of those days feel a little heavier, but I think it’s a worthwhile trade off.

Keeping my mind occupied is a priority most days, and I can say with certainty that doing so has not been a difficult task as of late. While shifting a few things around on this site in order to make room for an adoptables page and the like, I realized that I could move the original species I had spent a few years working on over here! I had made a Weebly site for them a while back, which included all of the in-depth lore and worldbuilding that I had written, and I thought, ”that would be a perfect project to host on my neocities!” Turns out I was absolutely correct, and I proceeded to spend the next week or so hyperfixated on creating an entire section of this site dedicated to the species. I ended up revamping the lore, adding some new information tidbits, creating a dictionary, and even writing an essay-length retelling of my entire experience with original species and how this one came to be. If you like my writing, and don’t mind me being a little overly flowery and sentimental, you might enjoy reading about it!

Making that section of the site was so unbelievably fun. I always forget just how much I love to write, and to create rich worlds filled with original lore. It also reminded me just how far I’ve come in terms of accepting my art for what it is, and learning to detach myself from the desire for attention. I explore these topics a bit in the aforementioned essay, so I won’t go too deeply into them here, but viewing my art through the lens of social media has always been a hurdle for me. Spending so much time and effort on a piece, only to get very few if any “notes” or “retweets” would genuinely make me feel as though I had failed, and that clearly my work wasn’t good enough. Why is that? When had I lost the desire and the joy to make art just for the sake of making it? I can’t say that I completely know the answer, or that I’m fully removed from the mindset, but I do think I’ve made good progress in changing how I view my work. It’s part of the reason I wanted to move here to neocities!

I also recently added a “snack log” page to the blog, where I can talk about different interesting treats I’ve tried, but that wasn’t nearly as time-consuming. Extremely fun to work on, though far less intense!

I do also want to talk about my recent disastrous trip into Newfoundland’s capital city for medical appointments, but this entry is already getting rather long, so for now, I’ll leave you with some pictures from a nature walk a friend and I took near the Rattling Book falls! (I really recommend clicking on these ones to see them in full resolution!)

My birthday was last Thursday! As I said in my last post, my parents and I went to visit two of my aunts to share the Easter holiday and two of our birthdays together. It went very well, I think! One of my aunts made the other and I a really sick cake that tasted AMAZING, all from scratch!

It was chocolate, with a "frosting" consisting of cream cheese mixed with cool whip, topped with chocolate covered almonds. Each layer's filling was different, one being more chocolate covered almonds crushed up, another being the same "frosting" mixture, then homemade raspberry jam, and lastly, homemade chocolate pudding. I'm usually not much of a chocolate cake person—I prefer vanilla, myself—but I really enjoyed this one! I even brought some home to share with a friend of mine, and she liked it, as well!

I ended up getting a few really cool gifts, too! I'll show you a few of my favorites here.

This is a set of stones made to resemble the planets in the Solar System (Pluto included)! I've always had a deep love and fascination with rocks, minerals, and crystals. I have a big collection with some really cool specimens included. (Maybe I should add that to my Collections page?) People that know this tend to get me little tumbled stones and the like for different holidays, which is always super appreciated! I'm actually in the process of setting out my whole collection in a big cabinet that someone made for me this past Christmas. It's looking super good so far‒I'll post a photo here once it's finished!

In the same theme, this is a Geode! It's the kind that hasn't been cut or opened yet, which I've wanted for some time. I can't wait to take a hammer and chisel to this thing and see what's inside. I'm really hoping for some defined crystal formations! I'll post a picture of this, too, once it's opened.

A kit to grow my own Bonsai tree! I'm not certain how well it will work, but I absolutely love plants and have wanted to own my own Bonsai for so long! I'm going to do a bit more research before starting this, as I've heard Bonsais can be extremely difficult to grow and maintain, and I want to give it as much love and care as possible. I've got a whole grow light setup with lots of flowers, succulents, and cacti here in my apartment, which I'm hoping will work for this little guy as well. I'll keep posting updates about its growth here, once I've got it all set up. Maybe I'll even give it a name.

Tomorrow, my parents and I are going to watch the Solar Eclipse! My best friend informed me a few months ago that, living in Newfoundland, I would be in the prime spot to experience 100% totality. The eclipse is going to be positioned perfectly over Grand Falls, which is only an hour's drive away from where I'm currently living. I immediately told my parents that we would have to be there for it! So, we've secured some eclipse glasses, and we're going to make a day of it. They live about an hour from me, so they'll drive in and pick me up in the morning, then we'll head in and spend the day around town, before experiencing the eclipse in the evening. It'll start around 4:00pm Newfoundland Time, and end around 6:00pm.

Did you know Newfoundland Time has an extra half hour added to it? I think it's the only time zone to have an extra or missing 30min instead of an even number of hours. For example, 2:00pm EST would be 3:30pm NDT! I've always found that kinda interesting.

While we're in town, we're planning to try out a brand-new little café that opened up there. I've just recently started getting into drinking coffee (usually iced), and I had my first real café experience around a month ago in another small town here called Corner Brook. It was a board game café called "Sugar and Dice", and the food there was fantastic!

I had the "supreme grilled cheese", which had, among others, Havarti cheese on it, and a garlic cream cheese spread. They served it with kettle-cooked chips. I also had an iced latte, which started out really strong and bitter, but as it got more evenly mixed, and the ice began to melt, it mellowed out a bit. I brought home a crème egg brownie, too, which was just a big brownie with half a Cadbury crème egg on top. It was really rich, but so good! I'm hoping this café in Grand Falls will be just as good!

Lately I've been spending most of my time working on an area of this site called the Unicorn Friendship Center Conservation Project. I've already made a big writeup about what it is and why I've made it, but to sum it all up, it's a project centered around keeping an old cyberpet page from becoming lost media. The woman that drew all of the pets and graphics for the page, Shirley M, was a really talented artist, and I can tell how much passion and love she put into what she made. She offered all of her graphics for free, and had such a large catalogue. The sheer number of broken links and images that I ran into upon exploring her webpages really struck a chord with me. Even some of my own work has been lost to time, gone to never be seen again, and I didn't want the hours of talent and genuine love to just disappear.

So much of the Old Web disappears every day, and I fear that at some point, there won't be any left. I'm really afraid that not just information will be lost, but so will the last remnants of so many people. Yes, we have things like the Internet Archive and the Wayback Machine, but what about those tiny personal webpages that no one thought or cared to archive? How many have already been lost, and how many more will be gone within the next 10 years? Will anyone even remember them? The people that poured hours of their lives into them? I feel like we're losing the more intimate, personal areas of the web. That online experience that was wholly, completely yours to do with and decorate as you liked. Each time you typed of one these URLs into your search bar, it was almost like entering someone's home. Or, maybe, even their personal bedrooms. Places that harbored everything that they loved; their interests, their thoughts, their creative works. It was like being invited into a part of them, though you may not have even known their real names.

Maybe I'm looking too deeply into things. Waxing poetic about webpages with text too bright to read and so many flashing images the light from your Dell monitor would make your entire room pulse in the middle of the night. But I do think there can be deeper meaning in the mundane. I think that anything someone deems worthy of pouring their time and effort into can be special. Every blinkie, button, and stamp, was made by a real person, usually posted online with the intent to be shared and changed and loved. There's something special about that, isn't there? That community? That desire to create and to contribute to creation? That's what I believe, at the very least.

It's not finished yet, but it's close. I just need to place all of the actual pets onto their respective pages. I'm thinking another couple days, and it should be up and running and usable. If you're reading this and you haven't already, maybe check out the Unicorn Friendship Center Conservation Project, or read the writeup I made about it and what it stands for. Maybe you might find something special about it, too.

So, hey, my first blog post here! That's pretty exciting! I've thought about making my own neocities website for years now, but never got around to it. Lately, though, I've been getting kinda tired of modern social media. Deviantart becoming riddled with AI-generated garbage, Tumblr banning NSFW and subsequently suppressing LGBTQ+ content in the process, Elon Musk buying Twitter and flooding it with people who bought blue checkmarks... Feels kinda bleak all around, y'know? It seemed about time to find a place I could call my own. I make the rules here, baybee!!!

While setting this site up, I've also been learning some of the etiquette around here, which includes "no hotlinking". I had no idea about bandwidth or that hotlinking had any negative effect on it until now! However, I've also been concerned with how much space all of the images I want to post might take up if I host them directly through my neocities, so I've set up a private Tumblr blog to host my images instead. I'm not sure if that's a smart or a dumb move on my part, but it's what I've been doing. I discovered Tumblr has an image upload limit while trying to add stamps to my stamp collection page. You really do learn new things every day!

Today, I'm headed to see two of my aunts alongside my parents. We're going to spend the Easter weekend with them, and also celebrate a couple birthdays at the same time. My Aunt's is on April 1st, and mine is on the 2nd. I'll be 27 this year! Gettin' old, and yet I feel more whimsy than ever!

I'm excited for Easter chocolate and birthday cake !!! I usually try to watch what I eat, my caloric and sugar intake and all that jazz, but I like to have some treats every now and then. I even made some sugar cookies to take with me! They're just ready-to-bake Pillsbury cookies with store-bought icing, but these Pillsbury cookies are a STAPLE of any holiday. These ones don't have the cute designs on them that they usually do for Christmas and Halloween, but I'm hoping they'll still taste the same. They're shaped like Easter eggs!

Over the past few days I've taken out my entire LPS collection and given them all a good scrub, as well as removed some more stubborn marks and stray factory paint with acetone . I'm going to try and set up a sort of makeshift shadow box to put them in to take pictures for my collection page. Then, I think I'll do my MLP collection next, followed by my Webkinz. I don't have a lot of particularly old MLP toys, nor do I have any of the ones I owned as a kid anymore, but I'm hoping to expand! My LPS and Webkinz collections, however, are the same ones I had all the way back in elementary school! With a few more recent additions, of course. Maybe I could even make a catalogue of all my old Polly Pockets in the future, as well! I've got some of the more palm-sized ones with the rubber clothes, as well as some of the original locket-style playsets. I kept a lot of old things from when I was a kid, like Pixel Chix, and those old LPS "Tamagotchis". The only thing I don't have anymore is my Hotwheels collection, which definitely bums me out a bit. I LOVED those things!

Anyways, I could keep writing for a while yet about this and that, but I think I'll cut it off here for now before this post gets too long. Until next time!